Dating in D.C

A One Scene Play

Scene One

The interior of an elevator. The elevator is placed sideways on the stage with the adjacent side see-through, so the audience can see the elevator doors and the inside of the elevator at the same time.  The stage is completely dark with a lone spotlight on the elevator.

 

ENTER, Mugabi

Mugabi is a lanky, tall, dark-skinned black male with a full beard, white wide rimmed glasses and a hi-top fade. He is wearing a red cheetah print sweater, navy blue slacks and brown tennis shoes. Mugabi presses a button in the elevator, leans back and waits.

ENTER, Derrick

Derrick is a well built, bald, clean shaven light-skinned black male. He is wearing a avocado coloured t-shirt, blue jeans and sturdy dark brown Timberlands. Derrick hops into the elevator and gives Mugabi a head nod, which Mugabi returns.

Elevator door closes

Derrick takes a second look at Mugabi, his eyebrows arched and lips pursed. Derrick scans Mugabi from head to toe, twice over.

Derrick: Where are you from?

Mugabi: Uganda-

Derrick: I knew you weren’t from around here! No brother from D.C dresses like you do! I mean look at you! [gesturing wildly]

Mugabi awkwardly fidgets

Derrick: To each his own though my man. You’re just…different. Nothing wrong with different…I mean, if you like it and it keeps you happy, you do you my man.
It’s just that, no brother from D.C dresses like you do so I knew you definitely weren’t from around here.

Elevator door opens

EXIT, Mugabi and Derrick, walking out of the elevator in the same direction towards stage right

Mugabi: So…I’m assuming you’re from D.C then?

Derrick: Born and raised my man! I joined the army and went off to serve for a few years, but I’m back now and been working-

ENTER (stage right), attractive Latina lady in a professional white blouse, navy blue skirt and black pumps walking towards Derrick and Mugabi

Derrick trails off as his jaw drops. The lady walks past Mugabi & Derrick. Derrick literally turns around and walks backwards as his eyes continue to follow the lady.
Mugabi continues walking alongside him, face and eyes forward, occasionally awkwardly glancing at Derrick.

Derrick turns around to stand still and face Mugabi, as the lady goes off stage left
.
Derrick: What is wrong with you???

Mugabi: Uhhhh….

Derrick: A fine ass woman just walked by and you did not even so much as glance??? I mean, I knew you were different but my God! What is up with you? I mean- are you gay?

Mugabi: No-

Derrick: Then why?? Why? Why didn’t you look??

Mugabi: That’s not me. I don’t stare at random women on the street that I find attractive.

Derrick: See I knew you weren’t from around here! Every brother from D.C would have looked when a woman THAT fine walks by. Heck I WOULD have and SHOULD have holla’d at her, if I wasn’t so busy getting distracted by you. No offense to you though…you’re just different…
So, how do brothers from Uganda talk to women?

Mugabi: I honestly don’t know, I didn’t date in Uganda

Derrick: You didn’t date?? Wait a second, how old were you when you moved to the U.S?

Mugabi:18-

Derrick: Oh my God! I cannot believe you! What life do you lead?? So you’re telling me that you never did anything at all with a woman, never holla’d at a woman, never showed a woman what’s what until you were how old? How old were you on your first date?

Mugabi: 20-

Derrick slams his palm to his forehead and stands chock still

Derrick: [Taking deep breaths] Alright…alright. You hit me with a lot here. I just…I just…different, that’s the word for it…different. So, how do you get to know a woman then? Cause you have dated since 20 right?

Mugabi: Well yeah, but it’s always been something that’s evolved from someone I knew in some capacity. I’ve never dated or talked to a complete random person like someone I just saw on the street or something

Derrick: So you’ve never holla’d at a girl in public?

Mugabi: No

Derrick: My man, you have no idea what you’re missing out on! So many fine ladies ripe for the picking out here in these streets. You know D.C has a 3:1 women to men ratio, you can’t get better odds than that! The world’s best place to be a man!

Mugabi: Do you think women enjoy and want to be holla’d at? Isn’t that a form of objectification? Don’t you think it’s quite egotistical of you to assume that all these ladies want to-

Derrick: Of course they do! My man, you are suffering from a real lack of confidence. You see, the thing with women is they might protest or they might act like they are bothered but inside they want it. They love the attention, so don’t listen to them when they say they don’t want it, they’re just playing hard to get

Mugabi: I’m not sure-

Derrick: Look, I’m from here alright, born and raised. I know all about dating in D.C, heck I’ve been dating in D.C since I was 10 years old! I’ll teach you everything you need to know and before you know it, you’ll be a regular mack daddy

Mugabi: But I don’t want-

Derrick: Just listen, listen first, questions later. Alright, so women like a man who is strong. So you have to show her who is boss. You got to walk up to the woman and assume command. Like this:

Derrick violently grabs Mugabi’s arm and yanks Mugabi towards him until their faces are a literal inch away from each other

Derrick: You see? When you’re up close like this and you’re in control, that’s what a woman likes.

Mugabi: [Gulp]

Derrick: Yeah, see, even you are getting a little excited! Then you just you know compliment her on her body. Like: ‘you got a fat ass, I like that’. Go ahead and smack her on the ass if you want. Improvise a little, you know what I mean?

Mugabi: I-

Two attractive black females appear walking and talking behind Mugabi and Derrick and overtake them. One of them is wearing a dark red A-line pleated dress with navy blue pumps. The other lady is wearing a bright yellow sundress with wicker wedges. The two ladies continue walking ahead of Derrick and Mugabi. Derrick’s jaw drops and his gaze follows the women

Derrick: Dammmmmmmmmmmm, shawties! Let me holla at you real quick!

Derrick runs after the two ladies as they EXIT, stage right

End Scene

My first foray into playwriting! A true story about toxic hyper-masculinity, ode to the soft black boy 

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